Aural Waterboarding: Torturous Records Pt 2

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For those who always say that music was “better in the old days”, let’s remind ourselves of some big hits from the past in this continuing saga. You see, the world is full of cankerous musical drivel and it doesn’t matter which generation you’re from; there’s always a deluge of it.

St. Winnifred’s School Choir – There’s No One Quite Like Grandma (1980)

Released for all those who struggled with the age old conundrum of what to buy Granny for Christmas. A festive number one that kept John Lennon’s posthumous “(Just Like) Starting Over” off the top spot. The Liverpool born writer of the song Peter Lorenz would go on to produce Charlotte Church’s first two albums and a compilation, “The Best Gospel Album In The World . . . Ever”, which featured luminary Gospel greats The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, Philharmonia Orchestra, Royal Choral Society and Howells Girls Choir.

The Tweets – The Birdie Song (1981)

Blame the Swiss for this one. Written in the 1950s and originally called “The Chicken Dance” by accordion wielding Werner Thomas, this “oom-pah” song was adopted by The Tweets and reached number 2 in 1981 re-titled “The Birdie Song”. Rumour has it that the title was changed as a carefully politicized gesture to avoid the unnecessary jibes on the Swiss nation for their neutrality in World War 2.

Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart (1992)

Ironically, the two songs that were included on the CD maxi single for “Achy Breaky Heart” give us an insight into Cyrus’ frame of mind at the time. “I’m So Miserable” needs no explanation, but the paranoia of “Wher’m I Gonna Live?” suggests a man who is fearful of a life on the run having committed an act of gross indecency to a worldwide listening public.

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