Aural Waterboarding: Torturous Records Pt 1


For those who always say that music was “better in the old days”, let’s remind ourselves of some big hits from the past in this continuing saga. You see, the world is full of cankerous musical drivel and it doesn’t matter which generation you’re from; there’s always a deluge of it.

Here’s three to start the series…

Black Lace – Agadoo (1984)
It’s usually the first DJ request from half cut middle aged mom’s to make themselves look stupid to at the party. It was originally written by some French blokes in 1972 to use as an interrogation weapon should the Germans decide to invade again. Peace prevailed so they gave it to Black Lace to enforce torture on the British population. Not only that, they gave us “Joe Le Taxi” a few years later to further our collective misery.

Bombalurina with Timmy Mallett – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini (1990)
There have been French, Brazilian, Finnish, Spanish and Serbian versions of this bubblegum nonsense. It’s Timmy Mallett’s version that reminded listener’s what an epic prick he was, and just to prove what a miserable soul he is, stopped West Ham United football club from selling copies of their mascot, Herbie the Hammer, in their club shop after he complained that it looked too similar to Pinky Punky. Did you ever see the High Street queue for Pinky Punky mallets? No, neither did I.

Keith Harris & Orville – Orville’s Song (1982)
Who actually went out and bought this? As it’s probably aimed at the 0-6 year old demographic, I’m guessing it was some exceedingly embarrassed dad’s lining up at the cash till with it hidden under a newspaper or an old “Black & White Minstrel Show” compilation. oops…I forgot, Keith Harris used to host The Black & White Mistrel Show. Oh the irony!

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